Stories for the Fall 2020 Feedback Sessions
Group D
To avoid emailing stories back and forth, please upload on this page the story you wish to discuss this month.
Post your stories a minimum of one week in advance of the feedback session. Those seven days give you and your buddies time to read and provide helpful feedback on each others’ stories.
Instructions:
- Share your story in the comments section on this page. You can either copy and paste the text of your story in the comment box or click the paperclip icon to attach a PDF of your work. Note: it must be a PDF; Word documents are not accepted on the comment app.
- Print a copy of the Story Review Form (below) for each story your buddies share here.
- Read each story a couple of times.
- Complete the Story Review Form after your readings to organize your thoughts, suggestions, and questions.
- During the live Feedback meeting, you will share with your buddy what you wrote on the form, as well as anything new upon hearing their story read aloud.
- Email a copy of your completed Story Review Form to each buddy so they can keep a record of comments and suggestions related to their story.
If there are specific questions you’d like answered, or if you want your buddies to concentrate more heavily on a certain story device, e.g., dialogue, opening, title, etc., please include those requests in the comments when you attach your story. Ask for what you need to help you make your story the best it can be.
The Feedback Guidelines are available below to provide the framework of how Life Writers approaches giving and receiving feedback on written work, both via posts on the website and during feedback sessions.
Feedback Sessions
10/27 @ 6pm EDT
11/17 @ 6pm EDT
12/29 @ 6pm EDT
18 Comments
Kathy Ashton
Kelly Marie and Holly I am attaching my story so we can talk about it on Thursday, 10/22/20 at 1:00 PM EST
Kathy Ashton
Alexander in South Carolina
Last weekend we were finally able to visit our Grandson Alexander in South Carolina. We have not seen him in 9 months as we decided not to travel because of COVID.
As we left the green palm trees in Florida and saw our first mountain I knew we were getting close. The leaves on the trees had started changing their colors to oranges, reds and yellow.
That first morning we met Mom, Dad and Alex at the nearby park. The air was brisk and felt so fresh after the humidity we left in Florida. I could spot Alex right away with his light blonde hair and the bluest eyes I have ever seen. He was dressed in his little blue jeans and yellow shirt with light green tennis shoes. Of course he had no interest in slowing down to see his Pop Pop and Grandma. But that was okay as we were going to smother him with love when the time was right. He was going down the green slide then the red slide and chasing a little blond girl. There was a little boy crying on the sidelines so little Alex went to help him get his shoes back on. Mom and Dad then decided it was time for lunch so placed him in his little blue dog car to peddle on home.
After his nap, we all decided to go to the local Pumpkin patch. Well, I have never been to a pumpkin patch so was in for a big surprise. There were big pumpkins, small pumpkins, white and orange pumpkins and even some green gourds. Scattered among the pumpkins were scarecrows made of straw with their little hat and pipe as well as little white ghosts hanging on the fence posts. As Alex ran around in his red and checkered shirt we picked the largest and fattest pumpkin in the patch.
Once we were home, Daddy started tracing a smiling ghost picture from a stencil to create a face of this huge pumpkin. While Daddy went to get the special utensils to actually carve out the stencil drawing we tried to get Alex excited about carving this pumpkin. Well all he wanted to do was play with all the orange gooey stuff from the inside and scatter all the large white seeds.
So, it wasn’t long before Alex got bored and held his little hands in the air to be picked up. At this point he was starting to warm up to “Maw Maw” (his word for Grandma) and brought me his red, white and blue beach ball that was as big as he was. I believe we kicked and threw that ball around for at least an hour, which was the most fun I have had in a long time.
The next day was another brisk sunny day and the sky was bluer than ever. We all went out on the freshly mowed grass to watch Alex play in his jungle gym and visit. All of a sudden he acted like he wanted to go inside. Well as I got up to help him he ran around me and jumped in my green chair. I can say I only fell for that little trick at least five times, I am either a slow learner or just wanted to hear his laugh and cackle as he felt he had gotten away with it again.
As we were leaving he gave us one last bye bye wave and several of his “mwah” kisses. On the drive home I thought of my other eight Grandchildren. They had grown up in different circumstances so at their time of this age I didn’t or couldn’t spend time with them. I am so blessed to have another chance to love a little child as a Grandma.
Kelly Marie Dawson
I was alone for the first time in 20 years. I decided that for my life to be different I would have to make a change. February 20th, 2012 I made a decision and a contract with myself to quit drinking alcohol, and begin a journey into self study.
For the first time in my life, I allowed myself to feel emotional pain. The tears of grieving, came through me uncontrollably. I was lost and broken. I talked with my doctor who suggested that I get myself an emotional therapy animal. My Mom Judy had two dogs Bibby and Harley. Bibby and I had a special bond, so mom was happy to share Bibby with me. My mom is like that, willing to share and give to others.
The first thing I did was take Bibby to dog training. It was more for me than for Bibby. He knew how to be a dog, I needed to understand how to be a good master. Like most of my relationships I like to take good care of my beloved. Bibby was the best companion a girl could ask for. He gave me something that filled me up and touched my heart. He loved me unconditionally. I soon began to heal this idea of being alone.
I would take Bibby everywhere with me. I bought him a special carrying bag that most people assume to be a handbag. It was a perfect fit for when I would need him to be discreet. He knew when to be calm, and when to have energy and playfulness. Bibby and I were inseparable for two years.
I met a young man who cast his spell on me and I fell in Love. When I become involved in a relationship with man, I would move out of my apartment and move into their living space. This was no exception, the problem was I couldn’t take Bibby with me. So I had to make a difficult decision and return Bibby to my mom. I would visit him often, but soon my time would be occupied with my new love.
Suddenly and unexpected Bibby lost his eyesight. My mom took him to the Veterinarian and to WSU to see a specialist for further tests. Bibby had a rare condition that made him go blind. I would tease when people inquired about Bibby that he was so sad not to be with me, he decided not to see the world since I was not in his. It broke my heart not being with my Bibby. He seemed so lonely and lost. Just like me when I needed his attention years before from being lost and lonely in my sadness.
I left my relationship with the young man after four years. Trying to make sense of how again and again my relationships fail. How I am the one on the curb looking for a place to live. Broken and healing from the pain I suffer from not feeling loved. I promised myself to do the inner work and continue to understand Who I AM.
I took on a nomad lifestyle, and found myself moving around from place to place. I really wanted to move out of Spokane and live on the West Coast of the State. I wanted to live by the Ocean and the Forest landscapes. I was given an opportunity that presented itself to me, to collaborate with a woman named Beth who was going to open a Wellness and Yoga Studio in Ocean Park Washington. I was there for three weeks when Covid-19 hit and Beth was not sure if she was going to open the Yoga studio. As everything began to shut down and quarantine came into play, I decided to move back to Spokane Washington where I landed in my mom’s basement. This is where Bibby and I reunited. We were both so happy to be together again and routines soon melted together and once again we became inseparable.
I took time with him to show him the new landscape, and invited him to find the courage to move into unknown territories. I put him on a strict diet, he lost three pounds. He had not been to the veterinarian in three years. So we got his shots updated, blood work done, and was finally able to get groomed in June, when Dog grooming opened up. I found a groomer that had a mobile service that came to the house and gave him the cutest puppy cut. His hair was so overgrown, that a few dreadlocks began to form and it was difficult to witness his cute face. He smelled so good and felt like my princess again.
I am grateful for Bibby and all that he has gifted me during this journey into the unknown as I continue to find the answers I seek. I am honored to do what Bibby has done for me, to give him the emotional support and unconditional love when he feels alone.
Kelly Marie Dawson
Hi ladies,
This is my updated version. I decided to take out some of the unnecessary back ground fluff. I like this version and I hope you do also. Thank you both for taking the time to read my story and for your support during this journey of opening myself up to Sacred Story Telling.
See you Tuesday.
KMD
Kathy Ashton
Holly and Kelly Marie, I am attaching my latest story of Alex with your suggestions. Thanks!
actually i am unable to attach so will get some help from Patricia
Kelly Marie Dawson
Kathy, I look forward to reading your revised version. I hope you are able to download before Tuesday’s class. KMD
Kelly Marie Dawson
Here are a few words that I like for our Group starting with the letter D:
Dynamic, dreamy, daydreamer, dance, dawn, debut, darling, dedicate, desire, destiny, develop, discover, divine. ” The Dynamic Daydreamers”
Daydreaming not only boosts your creativity and problem-solving skills, but it also helps you concentrate and focus on a specific task. It helps your mind wander to thoughts and areas that it might not wander if you had not set aside time for daydreaming.
Kathy Ashton
This is awesome! Thanks.
Kelly Marie Dawson
Thank you Kathy. I really appreciate the encouragement to keep writing and sharing my sacred story.
Kathy Ashton
Alexander in South Carolina
It was the weekend and we were finally able to visit our Grandson Alexander in
South Carolina. Alex is Steve’s (my husband) only grandson who we have not
seen in 9 months due to COVID. He is now 19 months so as you can imagine
he has changed quite a bit.
As we left the green palm trees in Florida and saw our first mountain I knew we
were getting close. The leaves on the trees had started changing their colors to
oranges, reds and yellow, which I hadn’t seen in 4 years.
That first morning we met up with Cassie, Lance and Alex at the nearby park.
The air was brisk and felt so fresh after the humidity we left in Florida. Steve’s
face just glowed and I couldn’t believe how excited I was to see this little boy run
around, as just a few months ago he was this tiny little baby. He still had the
light blonde hair and the bluest eyes I have ever seen. He was dressed in his
little blue jeans and yellow shirt with light green tennis shoes. Of course he had
no interest in slowing down to see his Pop Pop and Grandma. But that was
okay as we were going to smother him with love when the time was right. He
was going down the green slide then the red slide and chasing a little blond girl.
There was a little boy crying on the sidelines so little Alex went to help him get
his shoes back on. Mom and Dad then decided it was time for lunch so placed
him in his little blue dog car to peddle on home.
After his nap, we all decided to go to the local Pumpkin patch. Well, I have
never been to a pumpkin patch so was in for a big surprise. There were big
pumpkins, small pumpkins, white and orange pumpkins and even some green
gourds. Scattered among the pumpkins were scarecrows made of straw with
their little hat and pipe as well as little white ghosts hanging on the fence posts.
As Alex ran around in his red and checkered shirt we picked the largest and
fattest pumpkin in the patch.
Once we were home, Lance started tracing a smiling ghost picture from a stencil
to create a face of this huge pumpkin. While Lance went to get the special
utensils to actually carve out the stencil drawing we tried to get Alex excited
about carving this pumpkin. Well all he wanted to do was play with all the
orange gooey stuff from the inside and scatter all the large white seeds.
So, it wasn’t long before Alex got bored and held his little hands in the air to be
picked up. At this point he was starting to warm up to “Maw Maw” (his word for
Grandma) and brought me his red, white and blue beach ball that was as big as
he was. I believe we kicked and threw that ball around for at least an hour,
which was the most fun I have had in a long time.
The next day was another brisk sunny day and the sky was bluer than ever. We
all went out on the freshly mowed grass to watch Alex play in his jungle gym and
visit. All of a sudden he acted like he wanted to go inside. Well as I got up to
help him he ran around me and jumped in my green chair. I can say I only fell
for that little trick at least five times, I am either a slow learner or just wanted to
hear his laugh and cackle as he felt he had gotten away with it again.
As we were leaving he gave us one last bye bye wave and several of his “mwah”
kisses. On the drive home I thought of my other eight Grandchildren. They had
grown up in different circumstances so at their time of this age I didn’t or couldn’t
spend time with them. I am so blessed to have another chance to love a little
child as a Grandma.
Kelly Marie Dawson
Wonderful!! Thank you for sharing your time with your family and I enjoyed the love you have for your grandson. Excited to read your next writing piece. KMD
Kathy Ashton
ok i am trying again lol
Kelly Marie Dawson
” GROUNDING “
Did you know that we have 26 bones, 30 joints and more than 100 muscles alone in one foot. In Yoga we make sure that we have a solid base, making sure all points of the feet are connected to the Earth. Tandasana or Mountain Pose establishes this solid and fundamental pose that invites the possibility to center, to be focused, steady and strong in our body and mind.
I discovered Yoga during a time in my life, when I was struggling to breathe. It was March 2012. I was 47 years old. My sister Celene and I were preparing to go for a walk. It was a beautiful spring day. The sun was shining and the colors started to pop as flowers and leaves started to appear as the seasons began to change from winter to spring. I had just moved into my apartment. The location was ideal, close to my business “Salon Avant” and a short distance to the walking trail near the Spokane River. Celene had noticed my heavy sighs and shortness in my breathing as I was getting ready. She made a comment that made her concerned with the quality of my breathing.
Celene was there with me when Dr. Joseph, who was a polunary specialist, told me about my disease. I was diagnosed with COPD in 2009. This is a Pulmonary disease caused by smoking. For years I was smoking a pack or more a day. Together we witnessed the CT scan. My sister and I could not believe the clarity of the damage done. I made a conscious choice that day to quit smoking. I came home completely driven to change my lifestyle. I started to reflect on how I could improve my lungs. I soon found myself at the library checking out books on walking and nutrition. I was determined to heal my lungs and I began researching ways to heal one breath at a time. I began a walking meditation without knowing about meditation. Later I would discover that I was grounding as I was walking. I would soon take up hiking and my lungs slowly became stronger as did my focus for living one breath at a time.
I hadn’t noticed my breathing to be shallow, as it was a normal way for me to breathe. I decided I should make an appointment to see my doctor. My Doctor prescribed Yoga as a form of healing my lungs and to promote a new breathing relationship. I call it a divine intervention because Yoga soon became another practice for me to ground.
I was sober for one month from alcohol. I made a decision on February 20th 2012, that I would stop drinking. It’s been 8 years.
I was hooked after my first Yoga class. I knew nothing about Yoga, In Fact, I brought a camping mat to class. The teacher suggested a sticky mat and I soon found myself at home laying on the ground. Something within me started to unravel. My breath was moving through my body and my mind started to see life through new eyes. The perfect prescription to heal my traumas and to discover myself through breathing. In Yoga we call this practice Pranyama the practice of breath control. I love the meaning in Sanskrit Prana which is life force or vital energy.
Grounding did not always come easy to me. Like the pose Tadansana for example, Grounding down and consciously making an effort to come into full alignment. I had to learn how to connect with the Earth both physically and spiritually on and off the yoga mat. I soon started to seek a practice that assisted me towards a new way of thinking. I began studying Yoga, and the philosophy behind this practice. I started to become a seeker into many ideas and ways of healing. I remember how much transformation happened when I started walking. I became more present with the world around me. I was questioning my thoughts and noticing how I was feeling. I was discovering myself for the first time as I witnessed the silence in my mind and the need to breathe deeply. I discovered that I had no idea how to breathe properly. The Years of smoking caused me to become a shallow breather, holding my breath with each inhale of my marlboro light cigarette. I believe that due to the trauma I have experienced on my journey, that I was living in constant fear. Smoking and drinking helped ease the anxiety that I was feeling in my body and in my mind. To this day I still hold my breath, and I am remembering it with each exhale and I release and let it go of any grip I may be feeling in my body.
Slowly over time as I have become disciplined in my routine of walking, and using the insight of self study to discover a deeper connection to my Spiritual practice through Yoga and the Earth.
Holly martinez
(Story 1) Holly M. Martinez
I was so content working on this messy project, a grueling task removing the hideous red and brown bold flowered kitchen wallpaper put on by the last owners. Some chunks came off in long shreds. But most tore into one-or-two-inch pieces, that had to be scratched and clawed off with my fingernails or a razor blade. Using the scraper was unpredictable. It would jab into the plaster leaving indents on the drywall, requiring resurfacing to cover the gouges. Still, I had a smile on my face and joy in my heart.
Something in my soul gave me satisfaction. I wasn’t sure if it was Cat Stevens singing “Morning Has Broken” on the cassette player, or my excitement of making it my own place.
Picking at the paper, I daydreamed of memories when I picked cotton. Voices of people singing in a melodious harmony at a rhythm, a vibe, that kept our spirits and hands moving forward then, and now.
The cassette ended. As I flipped it over. I was flooded with gratitude for the assistance of my ancestor angel, guiding me to purchase this house.
My own modest little three-bedroom, one-bath house, perfect for me, my two children, and my boyfriend, Mario. It was conveniently located across the main road, not even two miles from Mario’s parents, the Edwards estate. The Edwards estate was the largest house in town. Felix, Mario’s father, bought the unfinished, custom-built house in an as-is condition. After completing the project, his wife, six sons, one daughter, and two maids moved in. Having the estate close to my new home made it easy to go back and forth.
My house was in bad shape because it was all I could afford as a recently divorced woman with two children. Even though it needed a lot of repairs, it was all mine! I could fix it up myself, repairing the broken windows, walls, and doors.
In the following weeks with the help of Mario and his brothers the eyesore transformed into the cutest house on the street. I picked Cottage Beauty redwood stain that covered the ugly dark gray and dull murky green. Mario’s brother sanded off the black trim paint that had been painted on all the windows and doors. I repainted all the trims a crisp white and added a big white flower box to the front kitchen window. The large front window in the living room was smashed and broken. Mario and my father installed a bay window, giving the house a different appearance. It no longer looked like a cookie-cutter house. Afterward, we had a fresh-looking beauty. It still needed a window covering but for now, the orange sheet hanging over it gave privacy and worked fine.
As I stripped the wallpaper, the phone rang.
“Hiee Babe.”
I always took his word of hiee, as a term of endearment that he used with only me.
“Hi Mar, what’s up? I thought you’d be home by now.”
“Yeah, it took longer than I thought. I just finished up. Hey, my dad has to drop off his car with the mechanic. He needs a ride home. I can’t. I’ve got to get to work. Would you follow him to the mechanic then bring him home?”
“But Mar.”
“We will be there in fifteen minutes.”
“But… I am scraping wallpaper.”
“Just get ready, okay?”
“But Mar, I don’t want to,” I said as I ran my fingers through my hair.
“Oh, don’t act that way. You can do this to help him out.”
“Well yeah, I can, but…I don’t want to.”
“It’s okay Babe. Just get ready. We will be right there.”
“But… but…but Mar wait,” I said stuttering and then I heard the click and a dial tone.
But… I don’t want to. I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Not the same kind I had gotten when “His Father,” the Captain of his yacht, the Chicago abandoned us, and Felix announced every man for himself as he retreated below during the dreadful Bermuda Triangle storm. That was a frightening feeling. But this was a heavy sick feeling. I was always nervous around this guy. I didn’t measure up to his standards and that was for sure.
Hanging up the phone I caught a glance of myself in the upper oven glass door. Oh my God. I was a blob of sticky pasty wallpaper flakes stuck in my hair and decorating my body. I ran to the shower. The entire time my mind kept playing tapes of how his father intimidated me. He only dated models and I was the total opposite of model material. Felix looked like Tom Jones and moved like him too. I cleaned houses, waited on tables, sewed my children’s clothes, and cooked all our meals from scratch. When Mario and I visited Felix in Florida, where he lived part-time in his model girlfriend’s mansion, her maid Reenie, cooked all the meals. And here I was scrubbing out the pots and pans in my little modest house.
By the time I got out of the shower, they were already coming in the door.
I wrapped in a towel and headed down the hall for our bedroom to get my clothes on.
As I ran past them, Felix said, “So this is the place where your living now son, huh?”
“Yeah, dad. Look,” Mario said, pointing to the bay window, “Dad that is the window we put in this week. Isn’t it nice? Dad, sit down and make yourself at home. Holly will be right here.”
When Mario got into the bedroom, I grabbed him by his shirt, up close to his neck with one hand, and slammed the door behind him with the other. My towel fell off, and he said, “Not now Babe I’m running late.” But he didn’t resist giving me a long passionate kiss, to try to smooth my attitude. I picked my towel up off the floor, wrapped it back around me, and said, “How could you do this to me?”
“Take it easy. It’s just a ride. Don’t make such a big thing out of this.”
“Mar,” I whispered, “Listen to me. I have a bad feeling about this. I do not want to give your father a ride anywhere at any time. When the three of us go places together he makes me uneasy, and you know that.”
Mario unwrapped my towel, handed me a pair of jeans, and whispered, “Get dressed. Come on he is waiting.”
He took off his clothes wrapped my towel around him and headed to the shower. I threw on the jeans and the best shirt I had and followed him down the hall. “But Mar…I don’t want to.”
“Quiet, he will hear you.”
“So, what.”
Mario looked at me with his piercing dark brown eyes and his mouth straight. “Look at how your acting,” he said as he stepped into the shower.
“But Mar,” I said, wringing my hands and shifting my weight from one foot to the other and back again. “Mar…please…” I quickly put on some makeup and brushed through my hair.
By then Mario was out of the shower and dressed. I ran down the hall after him.
He grabbed his car keys, kissed me, and said, “I got to go guys.”
Felix called back, “Mario, you know what you need here? You need some custom draperies on this new window. With matching balloon valances,” he said, swinging his arms around in circles demonstrating how they could look. I know just the place right down the road from the mechanic is a custom drapery shop.”
“See babe there you go. The two of you can go shopping. And Holly listen to him. He knows what he is talking about when it comes to drapes. See you guys later. Have a good time.”
“But Mario.”
“Bye Babe,” he said, turning and giving me a wink as he ran out the door.
Mario had a way of making plans for me without asking me first. And somehow, I always ended up following through on his plans.
It was true Felix was charming. How does the example go, the best thing since sliced bread? Everyone was enamored, enchanted, and willingly wanted to be in his presence. He was sexy, a great dancer, exceptionally good looking, and the perfect gentleman. All the women wanted him, except one and that would be me.
As my Pinto followed Felix in his green Fleetwood Cadillac to the brake shop, thoughts ran through my head. I was embarrassed to think he was going to ride home with me in my little red Ford.
Felix got out of his car, talked with the mechanic, and got into my car. “Thank you for the lift,” he said closing the door. “Now let’s stop at the drapery shop. You will be amazed at how much this is going to change your life.”
1490 words Nov 1, 2020
Kathy Ashton
Hey Buddies, here is my “final” draft to review tonight
Kelly Marie Dawson
I have rewritten my story on grounding. Excited for the new ways of describing my journey. I hope you do too. Any input to help me see a new perspective would be greatly appreciated. KMD
Kelly Marie Dawson
Thank you Holly for your wonderful insight!!! KMD
Kathy Ashton
Holly and Kelly Marie, here is my latest story dated 12/7/20